Step 1 - Define What You Want

I encourage all of my clients to make lists. On one side they are to write down everything they don't want from a mate or a relationship. This is usually a really easy list to fill. Most of us are absolute experts on what we don't want but as soon as we start to define what we do want, we get stuck. It requires more energy; but, if we expect to get anything we want from a relationship, we have to be clear about what that is. So, the next list is all of the things they do want. This includes character traits, world view, values, looks, etc. The first step to attracting what you want is getting clear about it.

Step 2 - Stop Complaining and Start Creating

This may seem obvious but when relationships are not going as hoped most people will waste an inordinate amount of time and energy complaining and dwelling on the negative aspects. If this is really where you want to stay and focus your thoughts, why not just get out of it all together? I promise you that continuing to complain will never make it better. It will never promote positive insights. It will never move you further in the direction you are hoping for. If you are not happy with the way something is going, determine what it is you do want and then take steps to create it

Step 3 - Date - A Lot

Dating is hard work and you have to be open to the possibility of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right but you also have to be open to the possibility of Mr. or Mrs. Wrong. Dating can give you valuable information about what you want and with each person you date, you may discover something new to add to your lists of wants and don't wants. Everyone you date is leading you closer to the relationship that may take you "till death do you part" but you have to approach each date positively and accept the gift of clarity it gives you.

Step 4 - Work on Yourself

Work on being the very best you there is and you will begin attracting the very best to you. You must love yourself enough to get what you want and what you believe you deserve. It is not possible to love enough for two people. If you truly love who you are and are the very best you there is, there will be plenty of others waiting to love you to.

Step 5 - Communicate

Tell the person you are dating what you want and what you need. Do not pretend you are someone you are not or that you like or don't like something just to please the other person. It will come back to haunt you. I am not saying that you should reveal your desire for a husband and 3 kids by the time you are 40 on your first date, but don't make light of something you do want to try and save the relationship.

Step 6 - Build a Solid Friendship

Get to know the person really well and determine how much you like them before worrying about falling in love with them. Most people are so focused on finding the right person that they fail to look at all of the little qualities that make up who a person really is and they realize 5 months later they are involved with someone they don't even like.

Step 7 - Take Responsibility

We are responsible for the success and failure of our relationships. This may sound harsh but if we don't take responsibility for that, where is the control? Are we going to give that responsibility and that power to our partners? The only thing in this life that we can control is ourselves and we get to determine, by all of the little choices we make each day, whether our relationships will continue or they will stop.

Step 8 - Focus on the Positive

You will attract what you put out there. If you go out into the dating world and dwell on the fact that there are no great, available men left or you run through in your head the last miserable date you went on, you are going to attract more of the same. Think about how great it is going to be to meet new people and how much you will get to learn from them. Think about how nice it will be to share a part of you with someone else. Imagine the very best result and that is what you will get.