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The first ingredient of a failed relationship is greed, and greed can be very subtle. Greed begins when we feel insecure in some area of our lives, and then we attempt to compensate for the perceived lack of confidence. We might feel that we are not making enough money, or that our house is too small, perhaps not elegant enough to reflect our lifestyle. Whenever we feel insecure, not keeping up with the Joneses, we become obsessed with getting more. The trouble with this is that the more we get, the more insecure we become; quite the opposite effect of what we set out to do. Even when both partners of a relationship cooperate in this quest for more, the relationship weakens, because that which is sought after replaces the feelings for the partner.
This first ingredient, greed, usually leads to the second, which is hatred. Hatred begins innocently enough as annoyances, but quickly escalates into anger and hatred; and once a turn is made toward anger and hatred, we seldom find our way back.
The third component is delusion. Delusion seems pleasant enough on the surface, but can be extremely destructive. Delusion is our attempt to escape from what we face every day in our lives. We might escape into a clandestine relationship with someone other than our partner, which will destroy our present relationship, or escape into our career, or our hobbies, or our religion. If our partner doesn't share our zeal, however, for whatever it is we are escaping into; a separation is set into motion that might not be reconcilable. It can be the beginnings of serious problems.
These three ingredients; greed, hatred, and delusion can only come about when that special ingredient is missing . . . the ingredient of love. Love satisfies us to such an extent that the three ingredients of a failed relationship can't gain a foothold. When a relationship is new, we only need each other; nothing more, but when the feelings of love weaken, the three ingredients of failed relationships strengthen, and can easily shatter our lives. Therefore, we must be ever vigilant in noticing when these three ingredients begin to raise their ugly heads.
To become vigilant means to become aware of our feelings, of our drives, and of the feelings of our partner. This is a selfless thing, a rare thing usually reserved for saints and sages, but it doesn't have to be reserved for only the few. The consciousness of the world is changing, and we can all be a part of the immense change. If you are serious about having a lasting, loving relationship, then don't be lazy and only hope for the best; become proactive in diffusing these three ingredients before they can ever become powerful enough to turn your relationship into a statistic.
If you truly love your partner and want to become proactive in this selfless endeavor, then it's simple to start. Begin with sitting quietly, every day for a few minutes, and watch your desires, your annoyances, and your dreams. Just watch them, they are your thoughts, and when you watch your thoughts like this, what happens is that the thoughts lose a little of their punch. They become only thoughts, not reality, and when this happens, the love that you once felt begins to rekindle, but this time not only for your partner, but for all of humanity. This is unconditional love, and the three ingredients of a failed relationship wither before it.
Once you recognize the seeds of greed, hatred, and delusion in your mind, their influence wanes, and you become mysteriously freer.
. . . and a little more loving.
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