Many people who have gone through the most hellish traumas have told me one thing with conviction: without the support of a close friend or new lover, they could never have made it out of their situation or recovered their confidence and self-belief. The new attachment not only changed their outlook on life, it also helped them to be honest about themselves and reduced the ‘victim' syndrome they had. At a time when their relationship could be poisonous, such a liaison, though likely to be transitory, also helped them to be more forgiving, more impatient to move on in their life, less fearful and apprehensive and much keener to jettison the negative past. That is what happened in my own situation.

When David came into my life, he was simply a concerned friend who wanted to give a listening ear in the background. All my relatives lived abroad and I felt isolated. He was just out of a relationship that had ended suddenly and knocked his confidence somewhat. He was deeply unhappy and unsure about his life. He felt badly about himself and needed some positive reinforcement. As I was not yet looking for a new partner, his company suited me well and his attention worked wonders for my own confidence.

Tense and Stressful Situation

Reaching the end of my tether, I had already made plans to leave home when I met him. I had checked out the possibilities of a new life, partly secured a new flat but lacked the confidence, finance and courage to propel myself through the door. The long relationship and love for my husband also hung heavily like a pendulum over my head. Intimidated, ambivalent and acutely fearful, I found it difficult to budge in this increasingly tense and stressful situation, one that neither my partner nor I was actually enjoying. David sensed my hesitancy - the reluctance to make this final move and give myself a chance for something better. Having been there and done that in a former divorce, his genuine care and concern, his very useful advice and detached support eventually steered me out.

After my move, we grew much closer together, though proverbial chalk and cheese. I cannot believe I am the same person now. I see the world far more positively and from an entirely different perspective. Above all, I feel as though the sky is my limit ever since I have had such a selfless, loving, encouraging person in my life. We quietly boosted each other's aspirations in a positive and joyous way. Being exposed to a different world and culture, his own perspective on life changed significantly too and he has moved on to even more positive thoughts about his future in a way he didn't think possible.

I felt great about me too. From being in the depths of isolation and despair, I felt loved, wanted and appreciated, which also made me feel more loving toward others. I was able to stop focusing on myself and give time to those who need me, especially my children. We have both gone our separate ways, for a variety of reasons, but what a friendship we had. Just what I needed to give me the courage for the decisions I had to take. But it has also had unexpected outcomes in reinforcing our self-belief and love of ourselves.

Not everyone can handle a new relationship while an old one is breaking and each person has their own way of handling a break-up. The main message here is that, if you find yourself in such a situation, give yourself some slack. Don't beat yourself up about it because people always cross our paths for very good reasons not known at the time. Just deal with it the best way you can and allow the friendship to unfold. At the very least, the positive attention will help you to appreciate yourself even more at a time when that will be sorely needed.